i love both you and the german language way too much
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Samstag, Februar 22, 2003
my mom obught jelly. im reasonably certain she just forgot, or something, but...well, if youve been reading this blog for a while youll know what an issue jelly can be for me. not that there aren't many other things that are issues just as much, but ive actually made the jelly thing public, and i thought id only have to deal with it when the boys were home. i guess i cant deny everyone else the right to ahve jelly and white sugar around but boy, do i wish i could!!! *sigh* at least its sugar free narsty (by comparison, anyway) jelly.
9:42 PM
Freitag, Februar 21, 2003
lay down to go to sleep but i started to cry...im feeling really lonely, here, for the first time since right after brian left for grinnel...even if i got other perks from my birth order, the youngest gets seriously shafted in this area...patrick got to leave for college and come back whenever he wanted to a perfectly intact family just waiting for him to complete it, but i just ger left here all alone, with nobody else up in the middle of the night, nobody to worry about and nobody to talk to. and then by the time i go to college itll be the final dismantling of the childhood-stage family, with patrick already out of college and fully on his own, ill just come home to whoever's around at the time of my breaks. o i dunno...im just feeling like a really lonely left-behind youngest sibling and i miss my brothers.
12:59 AM
Donnerstag, Februar 20, 2003
i totally want it to be lent...this is a very odd thing, no? in other years it would be already, to, which i guess is a perfect little rhythm of life that lent will come around right when im unfocused and out-of-control and looking for a reason to get rid of all the crap thats attempting to ruin me *chough cough when am i ging to start running again cough cough*. not that i enoy lent, exactly, but i feind it very helpful. and i need it to start soon. or i could justdo the things i need to do and not do the things i need not to do...phst, nawww, that never seems to work out for me too well...
10:58 PM
Dienstag, Februar 18, 2003
so the newest development in the maggies life is a midden heap saga is that my lightbulb is broken. its rather interesting to be living in squalor and not even able to see to distinguish the various pieces of the squalor from one another. maybe ill be like ben affleck in daredevil and get all kinds of super senses. lol that was the worst movie ive seen in quite some time. there wasnt even enough ba exposure to make it worthwile, which, lets face it, was my main motivation for going to see it in the first place. hot guys should not where maroon leather masks. its not sexy. im sorry, but its just not. anyhoo, all of this darkness IS alerting me to the fact that my blind typing skills, while not super fast (but then again neither is any of my typing (and i know this sentence is flouting (sp?) any concept of parallel structure but i havent the energy to think how to rephrase it at this point)), are quite more proficient than i would have expected, and certainly an improvement since my mavis beacon days *nostalgic sigh*. i really should become either a vampire or a super hero, though...i know i can survive mentally on a one-element diet...*sigh* i wish it were sommer so badly.
7:08 PM
Sonntag, Februar 16, 2003
i realized several days ago that i was really happy. isnt that nice? i was listening to 'across the universe' on my mix from patrick and its got a chorus of 'nothing's gonna change my world' repeating. and i was just like really happy in listening to it, thinking of my world being preserved right how it is now, even for a little while. im really quite content as things are now. im loving it. i hope there are no fairies ont he internet, huh? cuz if there are i will most certainly be smited. I mean, of course its not like everythings perfect. and stuff could certainly go badly. hear that? goooooood.
2:50 PM
its weird what draws us to our firneds. i cant figure it out , really. i mean, some of my friends i probably only really got to know because of circumstances setting us up, but what makes some people stay together and some people not? i dunno. i m feely rather disconnected from a lot of peopl recently, though less in the past two or three days. Its odd how some peopole i can never see and then settle right back into everything being right when i see them, and some people i have to be talking to every day to stay close to them. and then sometimes i expect it to be one way but its really the other. I miss people. lots of people. ich liebe euch.
2:15 PM
Samstag, Februar 15, 2003
i kind of need someone to ponder abstract sleepover notions iwth right about now, but thees not really anywhere to turn in the middle of the night...maybe ill go bake and think, and then come down here and cry and think...i ned a sleepover. i actually sort fo turned away the one opportunity i ahd sort of wiggled my way into to talk about whatever the heck is making me all weird and comtemplative and sad, but with certain people, at certain times, theres just no way to get feedback that will help you figure things out. its practically my greatest fear that i do this to people-being unhelpful when theyl look for advice. but i dont even want advice right now, just deep philosophical conversation on almost anything, because when you have a deep philosophical conversation and somthing is buggin you, the ideas will eventually shift that way and let you figure out what youre thinking. its magical like that, i swear. If i could chnage one trait of mine right now, i would make it so that i dont keep trying to talk to people about my random deep thoughts who either arent interested or for whatever readon cant do the deep connection and insane pjilosophy conversation thing with me. i do that way too much. yeah. im gonna go make snickerdoodles, then i'll come down here and think/imagine/sleep/read/cry/ something lying down in my room. ich liebe euch.
12:54 AM
Donnerstag, Februar 13, 2003
I realized last night that I own 16 monopoly sets. is this unhealthy?
5:10 PM
i know what i want for my birthday- SKIRTS! gypsie skirts, patchwork hippie skirts, cirlce skirts, broomstick skirts-any long, full skirt! thin ones, thick ones, winter ones, summer ones, SKIRTS. yeah. thats for me. you all (probably) know about my eternal Quest for the Perfect Skirt by now, and i think i have come up with some basic general idea of a near-perfect skirt (tho none will ever truly match that marvel of skirtdom that first inspired my mission (if you wanna know, ask-but trust me, you dont wanna know). now all that remains is to decide what im doing by way of a party...somehow i feel it should include an opportunity to wear my red dress....
1:47 PM
Mittwoch, Februar 12, 2003
caroline has just notified me that i have been online for over seven days. my poor computer must be getting pretty tired, no? i still have not decided on a cty course. the main things in my mind are: am i too cool for science people? how badly do i either want guys or want to avoid having to deal with guys? how can i ensure that i wont be a displaced first year nevermore kind of a deal? what would be the emotional consequences of switching sites in such a quick turnover? what would be the physical consequences of trying to get from pennsylvania to home (and do wash and repack and restock my supplementary food and all) to the airport to hawaii between a friday and a monday? how important to me are the wonderful things about skidmore that lancaster doesnt have [widespread prom- or nearly-prom-level dressing for the last dance (esp. among nevermores), trips to town, the duck pond, playing stairway second to last rather than forever young, legal last-night sleepovers (and with norry's help we even got cara from a different floor...shhhh) and a lot of decriminalization for other infractions, FULL PAGE NEVERMORE MEMORY BOOK ENTRIES, sunrise (not that you can ever actually see the sun rise, but this is not the point),so much else]? how odd will i feel returning to be nevermores witha group of people whose formative third year i totally missed? theres only two ppl there i have any sort of connection with at this point.... Are the people themselves more important, or is the overall site environment more important? whould i rather have more general freedom from insane restrctions or unscheduled weekends (you cannot realize what a gift these are unless you have gone from mandatory-fun-packed weekends to free ones) what is the optimal degree of friend-security, and what type of friend is best for this? should i maybe only attempt one session, if going for a second one might make my nevermore/nomore session a dud? Is it possible to have a dud session if kyou go in with a good attitude and are as adorable as i am:-P? are the people at skidmore perhaps slightly less all-accepting than the people at lancaster? was that just who i was comfortable hanging out with in my first year? (actually yeah, i knd of think so...still not sure, tho)
11:53 PM
Montag, Februar 10, 2003
dude its ridiculous how predictable i am...as soon as my track seaon is over i somehow think its my responsibility to gorge myself on ice 'cream', stay up till all hours talking online, and not do my homework. im insane, i swear it. really and truly insane.
9:14 PM
Sonntag, Februar 09, 2003
running...its cruel, life-giving addictive bitch of a sport. goodness knows i love it, but it can be harsh. one bad day and now im not going to states, for the second year in a row. i was so excited for it, too, and i dont KNOW why i couldnt run faster yesterday. amy's right with what she says about the little running graph she draws in the air, whith the little ups and downs but the general upward trend, but meine geute it burns not to be running next week, and really not to be one of the fastest girls on the team. i cant get into this attitude, though. i just have to train really hard in between seasons and all through outdoor and ove the summer and come cross country ill be really nasty. i can be great in track, too, if i really and truly stay intense in the in-between season. i know the only way to succeed and get better and all is to stay focused, but right now i just want to cry a little. not that states wont be fun, not having to run and giving everyone her splits and probably baking some valentines-day cookies, but i really just want to get another chance to bring my time down, to perfect the art of the indoor two-mile, and a first chance to run at the state meet. it was my goal for the season to break 13, i just remembered...and i came damn close, really i did (to sound almost like holden caulfield), but for whatever reason I didnt do it yesterday, and now it'll have to be my goal for the early outdoor season. *sigh*. im sad. im really quite sad. but im also happy, having had a truly much more successful season than last year, and being relatively uninjured now, and looking ahead to improving and great outdoor and cross-country seasons.
2:39 PM
Freitag, Februar 07, 2003
*sigh* SNOW!!!
9:13 AM
Donnerstag, Februar 06, 2003
i seem not to hate boys so much, now that everyone i know seems to be getting together rather than breaking up...my but i am influenced by the ppl around me.
10:00 PM
...so Allison thinks i should be a nun, and amanda winther thinks i was cut from field hockey because God intended me to be a runner...I wonder what my purpose is in life...
9:14 PM
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